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Hey, can you beer me that CD?

June 13, 2010

Being an adult as seriously gotten in the way of my social life. Everything that I did six months ago has been deemed completely unacceptable: drinking myself into a drunken stooper at 8pm on a Tuesday, wearing my pajamas and slippers into the grocery store/packy/target/any public venue, listening to old pop punk/somewhat gangsta rap (which I am still afraid to admit that I sometimes enjoy), drinking any beer that is beneath budlight, sleeping past 930am, and getting away with coming into work in un-ironed clothing.

When exactly did this happen? When did I cross the threshold of real adult life? You know what? It stinks. It all stinks. Someone took a steaming shit on my life and it stinks to the high heavens. I just really don’t see why this is all necessary. I was completely fine with staying in my PJs, eating buffalo mozzerella sticks, and watching Friends/The Office/Sex in the City/Daria reruns on my computer. No complaints. No qualms. WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

Why is that just one year ago when I was running around campus I was thinking to myself “Fuck I can’t wait to be a grown up”. No. NO EMILY. If I saw my 22 year old self today, I would smack the shit out of her immediately and quote the always appropriate Billy Madison:

Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.

I would give anything to roll out of bed, stumble into class at 1030am in my pajamas, sit at a desk for a total of 2 hours a day, and then skip on home. Why did I think that was the worst thing in the world? Past Emily- your life was awesome. You could get away with using mom and dad’s credit card on just about everything. You could shut your alarm off at 9am and skip class if you wanted. You could even waltz into class with a hangover the size of Canada and STILL have that reassurance that you would be back in your bed in 2 hours.

This is not what I signed up for! 50 hour weeks are the fucking worst. Everything about the real world makes me want to stab myself in the eye.

Hey, when they get that Delorean (right?) up and running, let me know.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. June 14, 2010 12:43 am

    I’m still in college and my life still blows. It doesn’t sound anything like your college life. WTF! How do I get from point A (Me now) to point B (Emily past)? I wanna use my parents credit card to buy useless junk. By the way: I do understand that I never want to grow up. I also never want to work 50+ hours a week. I’m aspiring to be a “Real Housewife of Orange County” or Atlanta or Manhattan or wherever else rich people migrate to. Seriously. Those women have it made.

  2. June 17, 2010 7:35 pm

    I didn’t start having a good time in college till the middle of my junior year. Its all what you make of it. I had a really easy major, but I still worked hard. Just looking back on it now, I would much rather sit in the library and work on a paper then sit at my desk and do real-life/grown-up work all day. I was definitely spoiled up until I graduated college, thats why I always had my parents credit card for groceries and stuff. However, they would get mad at me if I had to go back to the grocery store in the middle of the week if I ran out/forgot something, but if I snuck a random $50 purchase at the mall in here and there, they never said anything. Its just definitely a wake-up call when you have to work 10-12 hour days whereas you were in class for like 4 hours tops a few days a week and you thought that was the worst thing in the world. Definitely take advantage of your college life now, because its over FAST and it sucks to get slapped in the face with reality!

    I think those housewives are goddesses. I mean, I am totally ok with being a housewife. And yeah yeah yeah, stay-at-home moms and housewives work 23842389839 more hours a week than at a regular job…but come on. Can’t be ALL bad, right? 🙂

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